Before It's Too Late..

The other, more challenging, struggle I have with time is regarding things I can't control. I can make sure I show up to clinical on time, but I can't slow time down. I can't add days to my life or spend time with those who have already passed before me.

I catch myself every day counting down the weeks left of school. Actually, the days. And depending on the day, maybe even the hours (just kidding). But seriously, being stressed makes me want it to be over. And over as soon as possible. But I know the only thing that I'm doing is wishing away time. One thing my mom has always told me to never do. 

I know that I'm doing this every time I say to myself, "okay only three more regular weeks, two more half weeks, finals, and I'm done." Because I'm going to say that one too many times and years are going to be gone. But not only years, time. Time that could be spent enjoying every day and making most out of every season of my life. 

I catch myself wishing I was five years old again. Seriously, five. I want to go back to when I didn't have a care in the world. I want to cry to my mom, her give me a kiss, and everything be better. Or my dad put me on his shoulders and I feel as if I can conquer the world. I miss that. And I know I'm going to miss being twenty years old one day too.

The thing that tears me up the most is in regard to my family. I can't tell you how much I love to spend time with my them. If I could chose a trip with anyone, I'm probably going to name one of them. Girls night? My mom. Ball game? My dad. A weekend getaway? My cousins. And so on. That's just who I am, and I love it. The thoughts of not being able to experience every little thing with them scares me to death. I think this is the scariest part of wishing time away, is that I'm wishing time away that could be spent with people I love.

I constantly am talking to my mom about how "I can't wait" to meet the right guy and really fall in love, get married, and eventually have kids. I've dreamed of those things since I was probably five years old. But I can wait. Because yet again, I'm wishing away time. 

So to be honest, I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I know that I cherish each day, but also subconsciously am wishing them away. Through all of this, I've learned one thing: to be content with where I am and enjoy each day for what it offers. I need to live a life that I won't look back with regrets. I need to live each day with intention. As my mom has told me time and time again, worrying about how fast time is passing is the quickest way to make it pass.

My goal is to live in the now and be present no matter where I am so that I can make the best of today before it's too late.